(First of all would like to thank all the people that was involved in this journey. ;) )
(首先要謝謝在這趟旅程有參與到的所有人)
And dedicate this to my very old friend, my tour guide who didn't get any sleep taking me out, who took care of me in a really princess way , you know who you are :) cam on! I'm spreading the love you gave.
And thanks for this foot on the first day of my arrival, you made my day.
還有謝謝這隻腳在我踏入這第一天的時候出現，你讓我這一天好快樂
After a while of traveling, tourist attractions no longer attracts you, and you start to realize shopping like hell and helping another country's economic growth is not really smart when you go back home, worst of all, when you are back you realize 90.4% of the stuff you bought is useless,or even the wrong size, the only good thing maybe is you spent all your money and you are motivated to work more. Taking pictures with tourist attractions with a peace pose starts to seem stupid and checking in on facebook starts feeling like you're just trying to show off just like guys take pictures of 20 different chicks and posting commenting "Dinner with Vicky tonight....Brunching with Mallory...etc" just to show how lonely this guy is, yet you don't really think he actually scores with any of them. I'm quite sure he doesn't even get a hand job from them.
在旅遊一陣子過後，一些觀光景點不再吸引你，然後你也開始了解在其他國家瘋狂血拼促進他們的經濟成長並不是很明智的，尤其是在你回家後你發現90.4%買的東西根本沒用，或尺寸根本買錯，唯一在此的好處是你在買東西的時候把錢花光了於是回來工作時會更加努力把他賺回來。跟著觀光景點拍照比個YA看起來也越來越可笑，還有在臉書上打卡開始覺得你只是在炫耀你去了哪些地方，就有如男生喜歡跟20幾個不同的女生出去然後打卡上面說著"今晚跟維奇吃飯......跟瑪樂利吃早午餐....以此類推"，在我眼裡也只是表現出來這男的有多麼寂寞，加上我也並不覺得這男的會有機會上的了任何一個妹。我也挺確定也許他連個在她們身上打手槍都無法獲得。
I guess it's all up to how you care about others look at you, but never believe anyone too much, especially the mainstream ones. (the gracelee cynical speech)
我想這也一切在於你對在乎人家對你的看法吧，但永遠不要太相信別人，尤其是那些主流的。(假硬的憤世忌俗發言)
Buildings are still buildings, Statue of Liberty is always standing there looking greenish blue, never going to be my favorite hot pink, historical museums are still telling you about the history, they won't tell you about how corrupted the city is nowadays and how police would stop you from crossing the red light and ask you to give them money, and Big Ben is always going to be Ben but not Bernard.
建築物也還是建築物，自由女生也是一直都會站在那邊看起來藍藍綠綠的，但她永遠不會變成我喜歡的桃紅色。歷史博物館也是一直告訴你歷史，他們不會跟你說當今他們的國家有多貪汙，然後警察會在你紅燈闖馬路的時候把你攔下叫你給他錢。大笨鐘也是一直會叫大笨鐘，他不會有天改名叫伯納鐘。
2-3 stars hotels are that kind of people, like me on a kind of budget but not willing to live anywhere lower, and of course, the lovely and noisy Mainland Chinese tour groups. 4-5 stars hotels are people with big cocks,big balls and huge boobs.
Hostels are always filled with backpackers, duh?
2-3星級的飯店都是那樣的人，像我這樣有點顧慮預算但也不想住在太low的地方，還有，我們最可愛的中國大陸旅行團也士都會在這樣的飯店裡出現的。4-5星級的人則是有很大的老二、很大的睪丸、或是很大的奶子住的地方。青年旅社則是永遠都是那些背包客，不然勒?
The backpacker areas are always filled with cheap beer bars, drunk tourists who wants to shoot out some sperms, or to swallow some, prostitutes, vendor selling you cigarettes, or weed, selling you souvenirs 10 times the regular price.
那些背包客區域也永遠都是滿街在賣便宜啤酒的、喝醉的旅客想來這射射精，或是想來這吞吞精液、雞、行動攤販販售著香菸或是大麻，賣你貴上10倍的紀念品。
I guess when it happens all over the world you start feeling numb and curious about what the nature of human really is, what is the true meaning of traveling for all of us? I feel like I've seen too much and I can't handle it anymore at times.
我想是不是當世界都是這樣運轉的你開始麻痺開始想人性本質到底是怎樣? 旅行真正的意義對我們來說又是什麼? 我有時候覺得我看過太多東西然而我有時候無法再承受了。
Oh yeah, enough of my speech...
喔對喔，我的發言夠長了....
Take a rest and drink a ca phe sua da.
休息一下喝杯越南冰咖啡
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| ok I stole this from google image. |
Below is not a normal tourist traveler guide, I would say it's more a...."how to be a local as a foreigner when traveling", but still, I did do some of the tourist stuff, after all it is my first time in this wild yet spiritual country. Yes, I did no homework at all this time before going, shame on me, boo hoo.
"胡志明市"，原名"西貢"。是我在這度過了一個禮拜，或該說，我跟他們借在這生活一個禮拜。以下並不是一般正常的觀光導覽，我應該會稱這為...."外國人旅遊時如何在那做個當地人"，但我還是有做了些觀光客會做的事，畢竟我也是第一次去這個充滿野人卻又心靈飽滿的國家。是，我這次去那一點功課都沒做，羞羞臉了我。
Anyways, when you decide to go to HCMC, few tips I suggest you. (as a beginner traveler in Vietnam, or just in HCMC)
反正勒，如果你決定要去胡志明市，我給你幾個建議。(但當然也是給一些較初階的建議，還有僅限於胡志明市)
- When you are out from the airport, like any other corrupted cities, Taxis will cheat you, I got scammed 540,000 VND more.
Do realize the meters have the big numbers in front (usually they start off by around 11,000, or so I observed), and you add THREE ZEROS on the back, not FOUR. SHIT! Well, I would still recall this as a good experience, else I won't be here spreading my love.
- 當你從機場出來的時候，就像其他遭受貪污的國家，計程車一定會騙你錢。我被多騙了540,000越南盾。
請務必了解計程車上跳表器上有兩個比較大的數字(通常是11,000起跳，但這是我觀察的)然後你在後面是加三個零，不是四個零，幹! 不過勒，我還是得說這是個很好的經驗，因為我如果沒被騙我不會在這分享我的愛。
-Live in District One. Try "The Luxe Hotel", not bad, and clean, quite new, very close to Ben Thanh Market, and it's the central of the city.
-住在第一郡，試試看"The Luxe Hotel" (全部連結請至英文那連結)，不錯、乾淨、滿新的，而且很靠近檳城市場，是市中心。
- WATCH OUT FOR TRAFFIC 360 degrees. BRING EAR PLUGS or HEADPHONES. You will hear BEEP BEEP BAAA BAAA on the traffic all the day, there's no red light. Ok there is, but they don't think it's red light.
- 務必小心360度周遭的交通狀況。戴耳塞或是耳機。你會整天一直聽到逼逼叭叭的，那邊沒有紅燈。好吧，那有紅燈，但他們不覺得那是紅燈。
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| 越南交通法則: 綠燈-我可以走、黃燈-我可以走、紅燈-我還是可以走 |
- 他們沒有麥當勞，他們有肯德基、農特利，還有漢堡王。我只有看到一個星巴克，其它的是當地的 "Highlands Coffee"。還有另一個是" The Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf"。所以如果你真的很怕食物中毒的話，你至少還有些可信任的好朋友在這，還有你也可以看這些連鎖集團他們弄得行銷跟為不同地區食物飲品改變口味。但試試看當地的食物也是不錯，只是真的要很小心路邊攤...........
- Vietnamese iced coffee are sweet shitless, "CA PHE SUA DA" iced coffee with milk. Still worth the try, I got addicted to it since I tried the "THAI style coffee yen, thai iced coffee" Really sweet, they add sweeten milk inside. But now I'm getting worried for my diet and health I'm sorry ca phe sua da, I will miss you, but my belly won't. I do know Europeans are going to want to kill them for making coffee taste like that.No even to mention they mostly only drink "iced" coffee. Vietnamese Iced Coffee knowledge here
- 越南咖啡甜到我要灑屎，"咖 啡 捨 達" 是冰咖啡加煉乳。還是滿值得試試看的，我自從在泰國喝了他們類似的冰咖啡後就有點上癮，泰國是叫"咖啡菸"(冰咖啡的意思)。真的很甜，因為他們加滿大量的煉乳在裡面。但我現在開始會擔心我的健康還有身材所以對不起了咖啡捨達，我會很想念你的，但我的小腹不會。 我知道歐洲人一定會很想把他們這樣喝咖啡的習慣殺死。根本別提他們幾乎都是喝"冰'咖啡了。
Time for ca phe sua da again
-You MUST WASH YOUR HANDS BEFORE EATING.
- 務必在吃飯前洗手。
- Do not be afraid my fellow Taiwanese, there's tons of free WiFi here, in shops, in cafe shops, not to worry.You may check in all you want. Just open your mouth and ask "Wifi? Wifi?"
- 親愛的台灣同胞們不要害怕不要慌張，在這有很多免費的wifi可使用，在店面、咖啡廳裡都有，不要擔心。你隨時隨刻都可以打卡。只要張開你們的嘴巴問他們"wifi?wifi?"
- Cross the road by following locals or these militia . Very wise choice for beginners not wanting to be killed.
- 尾隨著當地人或這些民兵過馬路。是個對於初學者怕被撞死比較明智的選擇。
- Many museums here usually are closed on Mondays, so, it would be wise not to go there on Monday. You may still go if you want, you can try, yes you can.
- 很多博物館禮拜一都是公休的，所以你不要禮拜一去造訪比較聰明。不過你還是可以去，如果你想要的話，你可以試試看，恩。
1. . War Remnants Museum , close from 12-13.30, 15,000 VND mostly only pictures of the war, does make people think a lot and start thinking you want to do something good to this world or join the peace corp or whatever, but I assure you these thoughts will only last around 3 hours after you get a cold beer. It is quite worth going anyways, learn a lot about the Vietnamese war and about there are no low people, they were just born in a bad time, bad country. Oh yeah, don't go if you just ate.
1.戰爭博物館，12-13.30是休息的，15,000越南盾，幾乎都只有戰爭時拍的一些照片，但的確會令人開始省思，會去想你是否該起身去做些好事了或是加入什麼慈善機構的，不過我保證你這個想法大約過了三小時你手上拿到一杯冰啤酒的時候就不會有了。 滿值得去的，學到了很多越戰時的故事，還有這世界沒有低等的人，他們只是出生在不對的地方，不過的國家。 還有剛吃完飯不要去。
another break for ca phe sua da
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You should really be happy you weren't born in those ages...god bless.
2. Fine Arts Museum, 10,000 VND, you can go, but you don't really have to go, the whole building is very historical and nice, so is the toilet, very historical. Some paintings are actually really nice, but sorry for my city illness, there's not AC in this museum, I'm sweating like hell while trying to calm down and get into the painting and all I feel is like mirage in the desert.
2.精細藝術博物館，10,000越南盾，你可以去，但你其實又可以不用去，整個建築物是滿有歷史性的而且不賴，當然廁所也是很有歷史性。 有些作品也很棒，但抱歉了我的都市病，裡面沒有完全沒有冷氣。我汗噴得亂七八糟然後盯著一些畫看想說了解一下這幅畫的含意但感受到在沙漠幻景出來了。
3.Saigon Opera House, okay, I didn't go inside, it's pretty but I was fed of off all buildings buildings buildings. The most interesting is at night, just behind and in the corner of the opera house, you will see lots of people gathering there drinking "milk tea", which is sold by an old woman with no cart vendor, she just has tons of plastic cups lined up on the floor, a box filled with ice. A cup is 8,000 VND, we tried, thanks to my local guide AK, it tastes...like fruit tea with sweeten milk...yes...yes...I'm sure she's a "trillionaire..", no rent at all.
3.西貢歌劇院，好吧，我沒有進去，是很漂亮可是我真的受夠一直看建築物建築物建築物。這裡最有趣的是在晚上的時候，在這棟後面邊邊的角落會看到很多人聚集在那喝奶茶，會有個阿嬤在那賣冰奶茶，她沒有真正一個攤子，只有在地上擺了很多個塑膠杯子然後一個冰箱裝滿冰塊。一杯8,000越南盾，我們有嚐試一下，感謝我們的地陪AK，嚐起來像....水果茶加了煉乳....是....是....我相信她是個"兆萬富翁.."，根本不需房租跟太多成本。
4.Central Post Office, please read history here - click me. Alright, another building left behind by the years of when Vietnam was a part of French Indochina.
4.中央郵局，請點上面連結看歷史或自己查吧。好吧，又是另一個在越南還是法國印度支那一部分時所蓋及留存下來的建築物。
5. Notre Dame Cathedral . Okay, I am quite fed up by this point, it's all buildings but very beautiful for sure, but gates were closed so I couldn't go inside. Gosh I get bored so fast.
5.聖母大教堂。我跟你說我真的受夠再繼續介紹這些建築物觀光景點了老娘不打了!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
-The beach, the Vung Tau.....................please don't try to go when you did not plan anything or know nothing about the place. not all beaches are magical and filled with bikini chicks or abercrombie guys with their swim shorts...
-去你媽的頭盾!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I've got this song stuck in my mind while walking on the Vung Tau beach side...burning hot...dehydrated...broke...no water...............I really felt when you get a mirage when you are dizzy in the desert this time.
這首歌在我在頭盾的時候完全卡在我的腦袋裡面.....沙漠啊....中暑啊.....幻覺啊.....
uugghh.......
Alright, enough of the tourist attractions. These are the must-sees by me. MOI!!!
好吧!夠多那些觀光景點了。這些是我推薦必要看的!
- Vietnamese mad skills with their motorbikes. And what they carry on the bikes.
I went to a bookstore and discovered a book just about this, "Bikes of Burden" by Hans Kemp.
His photography works on insane skills of Vietnamese and their bikes...seriously insane.
-越南人對於機車的高超技巧。還有他們如何用機車載東西。
我跑到書店有看到一本書正好是在講這個，(請點上連結)
- Taiwanese betel nuts some where in district 5. This is something I can't express in English.
台灣人啊這邊檳榔越南正妹都有了你還需要什麼，藍白拖帶一雙來你就他媽稱天下了。
- Pha Ngu Lao Street, really, it's like the Khao San Road of Bangkok, the backpacker area, with cheap beer, pimp on their bikes making a "chic chic chic" noise with a weird looking instrument asking alone male travelers if they want "lady boom boom" Anyways, it's a good place to have a drink with friends or a good place if you want to get laid with a stranger not being afraid of getting HIVs. I guess it's a worldwide thing.
-范五老街，真的，這就像是曼谷的拷山路，背包客區域，便宜的啤酒，皮條客們騎著他們的腳踏車用著一個會發出"起剋起剋"的樂器在那招攬寂寞男子旅客問他們要不要"lady boom boom"。不過，這裡是個跟朋友一起來喝酒不錯的地方，還有如果你下面癢想跟一個陌生人來一砲加上你不怕得性病的話來這不錯。我想這是一個全球性的問題。
and there's no time for ca phe sua da at night.
- Pho Hoa, wow, I can say the best pho in town I guess. I don't have any other words to express how good this is.
- (請點上面連結) 我對於這個牛肉河粉沒有太多話要說，就是很好吃。
- SHUTTLECOCK in the park with locals. Don't ask, when you go there you will see this weird-named sport is quite interesting. And how locals play it so effortless.
- 足毽，在公園跟當地人踢足毽。這個"球"英文翻譯過來的話是"來回的雞"，也別問到底為什麼要取這麼詭異的名稱了，這運動還滿有趣的。而且當地人玩起來感覺毫不費力，別說什麼足球小子了吧他遜掉了，他們整個下半身洞上半身不動的。
I had the honor to have a local teach me about the techniques of this sport.CAM ON!
and after this sport.
- Phatty's Sports Bar Grill, good place when you want to feel you're not in Vietnam, British sports bar, good food, and food looking like tits.
- Phatty's Sport Bar Grill 當你想感受不太像在越南的時候這是一個不錯的地方，英式運動酒吧，食物不錯，而且食物還看起來像咪咪。
In conclusion of this trip, just look at how many ca phe sua da that came up. That will be my conclusion.
I'll see you again Vietnam.
